What Is Intimacy Coaching?
I know it can be a bit unnerving to even consider talking with someone who is an intimacy coach. Most people assume it is about sexuality and that topic can create lots of feelings! Truth is, it can be about sexual things. And it can be about a lot of other things! And, many times, the sexual things are affected by the other things!
“What exactly do you do?” Is the most common question.
“Can I have just a couple of sessions, to see if I like it?” I hear this a lot.
Here’s a peak into intimacy coaching as a relationship with me. I will share what intimacy is to me, how coaching can create safe space to connect, and the magic that happens when loving presence literally cracks open the deepest places.
Intimacy is the dance between people that allows another person to truly be seen. I describe it as a dance because it is ever-evolving, and sometimes one is leading and at other times, the person is following.
“Being seen” is not always a physical view. One of the things I request before someone begins working with me, is to describe a typical day. There will be little glimpses of where someone is stuck, bored, unhappy or frightened in the snapshot as they describe it to me. My coaching style is rooted in curious questioning, even if I think I see an answer. Through my questions, a person can have the eye-opening awareness that organically belongs to them. This is so much more powerful than me telling what I think.
As an intimacy coach, I continuously sharpen my skill at holding the space for clients to notice and share things about themselves that they may have never said aloud before. One of my superpowers as a coach is creating space for others that feels safe. When a person feels safe to show up exactly as they are, the work of transformation through coaching can begin.
I recall an event night when a woman had planned to attend the evening event. She came in from her vehicle, angry and really uncomfortable. She spoke to me and told me how she was not going to stay because this was how she was feeling. My invitation to her was to find a spot and welcome her anger and discomfort. I was ready to welcome and hold space for her emotions and feelings. She chose to stay and was scratchy as we began. As our games of relating to each other with presence, truth and vulnerability proceeded, she slowly shifted. It was beautiful to watch as she found the better feeling with discovery rather than forcing a facade of feel good.
There is an intuitive place that I have slowly learned to trust in myself. This one place of growth in myself has up-leveled my coaching practice many times over! It is about going slowly and keeping my attention squarely on the other person that has created magical openings. It has taken time for me to keep my judgements and opinions out of the way in order to allow the client’s truth to emerge.
I recently had a couple that requested to learn one specific tantric lifestyle tool. Over the course of two conversations, that intuitive nudge inside me indicated there were many layers in this request. We agreed to work over a set period of months. This is the way to create the container that feels safe to a client, and paves the way for me to openly receive more of what they will share.
Just a few weeks into the coaching, both individuals began to share personal information from much earlier in their respective lives. It was clear that these early experiences had created a template for their relationship as it was today.
What I love about having kind of coaching relationship, is that I no longer feel tied to a set number of sessions and the client doesn’t have to fit their needs into a weekly template. I have set up ways for them to stay connected to me and receive support and attention.
For this couple, it is crucial to have this kind of access. It was a simple text that read, “Kim, I need help.” It was a place that we refer to as “cracking open” that was happening for him. Because I had set up my container and boundaries, he knew how to ask for what he needed in that moment.
The best advice along my journey of becoming an intimacy coach, was to always be coached, be coaching, and observe coaching. I am grateful for that advice and use it continuously! I have learned to share intimacy on many levels with many different people. I have become an expert with creating safe space. And my fierce attention creates the loving presence to hold space and facilitate change for others.
I treasure these sweet spots where I receive the gift of another human sharing so vulnerably with me. It is these magical moments of intimacy that allow transformation to take place.
I work with people as individuals and couples. The process of intimate relationship always begins with self, and then proceeds to other people in your life. For many, the step into partnership with a lover is some of the most intimate and thrilling! If you find yourself curious about the process, know of something in your life that you would love to shift, let’s chat. That is the first step to building a relationship with me as your coach!