Have you ever had a breakdown of something in your life, did your best to get back on your feet but still found yourself feeling empty and unfulfilled? I was there a few years ago. And now I am living a life with filled desire and joy!
Let me share my story and what the key is to turning it all around.
For me, the breakdown was my divorce. The process of divorce breaks apart, tears down, and dissolves. It is scary but exciting. It opens the doors for fresh beginnings and new possibilities.
I bravely picked myself back up and recreated myself by following the dream that I had in my mind. I had my own house with a room for a gorgeous piano to teach and share music with students of any age. The room was dedicated to listening, teaching, performing and sharing music and many evenings I sat as my youngest sang at the piano, her vibrant, strong, Broadway voice echoing through the house. There were bedrooms for my daughters to visit, and space for their things. I adopted a small kitten, giving me something to mother and give attention. I even prepared a small back yard to be a full gardening space with shade, sun, chimes, flowers, and a chair to sip my morning coffee on the weekends.
Yet, I found myself feeling empty and lonely.
Have you ever felt that way? You took action to do everything you wanted and you got it…but something was still missing. I began searching for the answer.
I stumbled upon a workshop and I discovered that nothing in my “put-together” life actually made me feel aware and alive. I began to notice how shame, guilt, and doubt were making my heart and body numb. I was disconnected completely. I would open the door coming home from work in evenings and feel the door sweep across the wood floor and hear my footsteps echo across the room. I began to realize the “the dream” was not as desirable as I had once imagined. I noticed how I walked with my eyes down, shoulders and arms in protection over my heart. I believed that I was not worthy enough to have more than what I had achieved. I wanted someone to swoop in and save me.
My first step into changing the course of my life was when I scheduled a consult with a tantric life coach.
Stepping out of my car, into the rain on a cold, late December night, I entered a local coffee shop and sat down. Over the course of the next hour, I found myself admitting that my job was restrictive, I felt like a puppet in my world, and that victim mentality of life happens TO me. I watched this coach as she carefully and gently dismantled my beliefs around relationships, connection and self-worth. Together, we began to discuss what it would feel like to be free, intimate and powerful, all at the same time! As she slowly leaned towards me across the table, I heard her words that still echo in my mind: “You are a ship waiting to sail. You can have the life you desire!” With my quivering lip and tears spilling down my face, I said yes.
The coaching support, attention and work fueled my power, confidence and tools to create fullness in my life. I can now support others, giving back what I have been given.