“Can’t go over it!
Cant go under it!
Have to go through it!”
Words take from a verse in a popular children’s song, echo the exposing and opening process of healing the pain that we have stored in our bodies and minds over time. Allowing ourselves to feel whatever arises, and to accept these sensations, is part of becoming more open. There is a sense of vulnerability that accompanies this process. There is no shortcut here. One must feel what is there, however painful, to arrive on the other side. By healing this place in ourselves, we are better able to relate to others in our lives.
When does this begin?
We are born with the ability to express our emotions, in the simplest and most direct ways. The four primary emotions are: sadness, anger, fear and happiness. Our emotions give a lot of information about who we are and how we are doing! A recent study indicates that other forms of these basic emotions develop from social reasons. Humans are born with the ability to express these honestly, without filter. Yet, as we mature, grow older, we adopt conditions around the expression of our emotions. Eventually, filter after filter, the expression of our feelings becomes so far from the truth that we are misunderstood, dismissed, labeled, or become numb.
A human baby’s cry indicates emotion and need. A toddler having a tantrum on the floor in a grocery store is sharing! Even as teens, feelings are fairly easily traced back to a primary emotional expression. Yet, we have societal ploys to dampen these expressions, such as “crying into our pillow,” or “bite your tongue,” or “better to leave some things unspoken,” and one heard so much, “mind your manners.” All of these are discouragement for allowing our emotions and feelings to be seen and felt. Unfortunately, these indicate that openly feeling is not acceptable.
What happens next?
When we have numbness in our bodies or even our emotions, this indicates places where we have stored sensation in a concentrated way, be it emotional or physical. This is easily seen in how we use food, alcohol, sex, or isolation to “numb out” sensations that we find too uncomfortable. Mindless stuffing food into our bodies while zoning in front of a television screen is a common experience for many people. Scores of people will attend entertainment events, yet order drink after drink, dulling the sensations.
We use drugs to medicate and even sedate from young to old. For example, when we want a child to “sit still in a classroom,” a drug may be given to elicit this behavior. Or when an adult is considered “too emotional” another medication may be prescribed. I can remember a point in my own life where there were medications to wake up, to concentrate, to not cry so much, and to go to sleep. I am currently looking at my relationship with food and how I use eating to dissipate my feelings of loneliness.
Many women will find these areas stored in their womb, pelvic region. Places where we have experiences disconnected sex, abusive touch, even childbirth with drugs and incisions can cause these places of discomfort and/or pain.
Where do we change?
When one starts to feel pain, it can be an indication that a body is thawing out, becoming more present in our consciousness. With attention and approval, we can hold this place of sensation, using tools found in consciousness practices, to work through the uncomfortable, painful feelings. Our bodies and souls want to feel good! Our natural state is to be present and at peace. When a feeling arises, we can experience and express that feeling! Through this process of “going through it,” we can return to a place of more awareness.
I am on this journey. I was numb, emotionally, physically, spiritually. With the loving and firm support of a tantric life coach, I began taking steps to go through the pain of awakening the places that I had buried and hidden. Sometimes, I kicked and screamed and resisted! My coach, my support, my guide, has been a loving friend, a supportive sister, a strict teacher, and a living example. It is with an exquisite attention and approval of me at every place in my growing to feeling again, that I realizing who I am.
A phoenix experience is the ultimate change–a “dying” of the old, so the new can be born in and through you. Giving to others what I have been given, is creating this circle of ecstatic life. It is my privilege and honor to work with those who are ready to let their phoenix rise from the ashes. It is an opportunity to give to others what has been given to me! Find your healing path and join me as we open our lives to so much more by “going through it!”
With a grateful, growing heart,
Kim Holden, founder of Euphoria by Design
If you would like to explore your new path through tantric life coaching, click here.