This is the lineage of the coaching handprints on my own heart. These are the men and women that supported my transformation.
It was a cold dark evening in January when we were ushered into the large venue. My anticipation was very high even though this would be the 4th time to see the production of “Wicked.”
My awareness of sound was super keen, noticing people’s voices, the warming up sounds from the orchestra, the giggles from the young girls all dressed up for the show. Even in large venues, there is still an intimate relationship between performer and audience. It is this level of vulnerability that can make it seem as if the actor is singing especially for you!
I didn’t read the playbill, choosing to be still and present and take it all in. As the lights began to dim I felt the very familiar excitement begin to run in my body, making it difficult to sit still!
Slowly I began to have an awareness of different memories coming up and when the song “For Good” was sung, tears crept up through my eye lashes. I remembered all the times I heard my own daughters sing this song, all the productions I had witnessed. And suddenly, I saw the story of how my life had been changed “for good” as well.
I am an Intimacy Coach and I work with clients as well as facilitate events. One of my earliest pieces of advice: to be the best coach you can be, you should be coached as well. It’s a lot like continued education. Here’s the lineage of the coaching handprints on my own heart. These are the men and women that supported my transformation.
There was the very first trainer and coach who taught me the practice of orgasmic meditation. His handprint reminds me that there are no bad questions. That when a person feels safe enough to ask what they don’t know or don’t understand, then change can happen.
I was never ridiculed or humiliated for my hundreds of questions! I learned to be the conduit for human transformation. The handprint of this coach on my heart reminds me that everyone starts somewhere and I can meet them where they are.
Then I remember my first coach from another city that would coach me in different packages spread throughout the next three years of my life. She was the one that taught me how to have boundaries for my own practices.
She would push the limits of my attention and ability, and if I couldn’t reach the next level, she would have me practice one thing until I could do that well. Then we would add the next step.
I love that I was never wronged. This woman taught me and showed me how to access my desire.
She happened to be my coach during the time that my partner shared that he would be breaking a long-standing addiction to pornography. I still remember and use the mantra that she gave me: “I am on a healing journey.”
The handprint of this coach on my heart reminds me to break things down into digestible steps and pieces of information and ways of knowing so that a client can always be successful.
Next the coach and mentor that would guide me through two years of intense certification training in sexuality would eventually become my dearest friend. Even in the hardest and darkest of times and spaces she knew how to show me love. She knew how to bring me back into homeostasis in my body and taught me how to find balance.
When I wanted to teach my first advanced course she was a resounding yes and we met weekly for months over the computer, planning the class. She flew to Dallas and taught me how to hold a room. To this day, not a week goes by that we are not connecting in some way.
Her handprint on my heart as a coach and a friend is that practice of listening and conversing with my little girl and how I can love the little girl that throws a fit and tries to drive the car. This is such a powerful coaching tool because at the bottom of it, she’s always asking for someone to love her. I can be that love for others until they find it in themselves.
The next handprint on my heart came in one of the biggest and widest investments of my life. I said yes to a nine-month coaching package with a national mentor. I learned how to let myself be seen in my darkest moments, in my ugliest cries and the most fearful thoughts. She never left me and never stopped believing!
And as she held me through those winter months, I learned to make a relationship with my shadow side. One of my monumental exercises with her was when I had to be bitchy at one point every day for a week. And, I had to share it and be witnessed in the digital classroom that I was attending. I vividly remember when I shared my first bitchiness when everyone smiled and told me what a wonderful job I had done.
At first I was a bit lost. Then the object of the lesson became clear to me. I had believed that holding my own boundaries meant that I was being bitchy. I learned to navigate my own anger through this coaching experience!
Her handprint on my heart is to love my shadow side too, and allow the light to shine so that light and dark alchemize.
Next, would be the area that I had buried and pushed aside for fiftenn years, my spirituality. One can run, but hiding has drawbacks! I remember when I decided to ignore this part of me, to shove it under and pretend that I could manage without it.
What I have since learned with this coach, is that my spirituality is keenly attached to my intuition. Source energy is the control center for balancing masculine and feminine energies. It is what sustains the livelihood of one who serves others.
With this handprint on my heart, I am learning how to live in the joy and approval for whatever comes my way. I am learning to trust; others, myself, my body, my energy.
Bringing this story to current times, I am coaching, being coached, and observing coaching. These activities are the nutrients in my professional career! I know that I have been changed for good.
I would love to hear what has shaped you, your career or even what you might want to shift in your life!